I do have control of my speech but not for my thoughts (or inner voice/head voice/self talk). My thoughts are playing tricks. Sometimes I feel so happy and content to hear my inner voice. Sometimes it’s madness horrifies me. I am seriously investigating where those monstrous thoughts are being manifested inside me. It is as if some unknown part of mine is playing devil role in inflicting those thoughts on my mind. I am happy in a way that we humans are thought proof. Just imagine how disastrous it would be, if we could sense each other’s thoughts. Yes it is very unlikely to think that everyone you know will always think highly of you but it is impossible not to get offended especially when your dearest ones secretly thinks how obscure you are !
Here are some instances where my inner voice struck me with horror. Though the inner voice is mine, I will still claim I am an innocent.
My senior colleagues … Do you know how to resolve this issue?
What I thought? – Of course I don’t
What I said? – Well …err..give me some time yaar, let me recollect.
My project manager… How do you find our team?
What I thought? – Horrible sir!
What I said? – A very cooperative, understanding, remarkable team Mr …
My Neighbors… When are you getting married?
What I thought? – For heaven sake, how do I know? Am I a witch or a god?
What I said? – Soon… Parents are searching for a good boy J
My relatives… Why can’t you do some make-up or paint some stuff on your face and be like a girl?
What I thought? – Is it so difficult to mind our own business?
What I said? – You see…I am so happy with what god cooked up on my face why more paints.
My colleagues… What is your hike?
What I thought? – Why that is bothering you?
What I said? – After a embarrassing smile …X % (X will vary depending upon my mood and wish)
My relatives… When do you think, you will delight us with your cooking, like other girls?
What I thought? – Hopefully never.
What I said? – Very soon. Right now, I am trying to master that skill!
For other casual irritating comments like “you look dark”, You look short”, “You look dull” …..My head voice would scream inside with stereo effect, but my answer would be “deafening silence” retaining my cool, calm countenance.
Am I the only one suffering from this weirdest syndrome or do I have a company?