What I thought? What I said?

 

I do have control of my speech but not for my thoughts (or inner voice/head voice/self talk). My thoughts are playing tricks. Sometimes I feel so happy and content to hear my inner voice. Sometimes it’s madness horrifies me. I am seriously investigating where those monstrous thoughts are being manifested inside me. It is as if some unknown part of mine is playing devil role in inflicting those thoughts on my mind. I am happy in a way that we humans are thought proof. Just imagine how disastrous it would be, if we could sense each other’s thoughts. Yes it is very unlikely to think that everyone you know will always think highly of you but it is impossible not to get offended especially when your dearest ones secretly thinks how obscure you are !

 

Here are some instances where my inner voice struck me with horror. Though the inner voice is mine, I will still claim I am an innocent.

 

My senior colleagues … Do you know how to resolve this issue?

 

What I thought? – Of course I don’t

What I said?      – Well …err..give me some time yaar, let me recollect.

 

My project manager… How do you find our team?

 

What I thought?  Horrible sir!

What I said?      – A very cooperative, understanding, remarkable team Mr …

 

My Neighbors… When are you getting married?

 

What I thought?  – For heaven sake, how do I know? Am I a witch or a god?

What I said?       – Soon… Parents are searching for a good boy J

 

My relatives… Why can’t you do some make-up or paint some stuff on your face and be like a girl?

 

What I thought?  – Is it so difficult to mind our own business?

What I said?       – You see…I am so happy with what god cooked up on my face why more paints.

 

My colleagues… What is your hike?

 

What I thought? – Why that is bothering you?

What I said?      – After a embarrassing smile …X % (X will vary depending upon my mood and wish)   

 

My relatives… When do you think, you will delight us with your cooking, like other girls?

 

What I thought? – Hopefully never.

What I said?      – Very soon. Right now, I am trying to master that skill!

 

 

For other casual irritating comments like “you look dark”, You look short”, “You look dull” …..My head voice would scream inside with stereo effect, but my answer would be “deafening silence” retaining my cool, calm countenance.

 

Am I the only one suffering from this weirdest syndrome or do I have a company?

18 thoughts on “What I thought? What I said?

  1. Hi Vani,

    I guess, these thoughts are quite normal.

    On the one hand, we have social courtesies wherein we need to converse with the person you meet. For example, lets say, one meets one of their relative after a long time, we cannot simply walk off because there is nothing new to say. It is acceptable to say or ask some thing (even if it is not very intelligent) like for example asking somebody “Oh…you have come to temple …” when both of them are in the temple. It is a courtesy.

    On the other hand, I simply find it a bit uncomfortable when people start asking personal questions. In our society right now I believe, the concept of privacy and an individual is not as well defined as in some Western cultures.

    Few quotes from my favourite philosopher Epictetus:

    “Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source. It is not to be found in your personal associations, nor can it be found in the regard of other people, even people who love you, will not necessarily agree with your ideas, understand you, or share your enthusiasms. Grow up! Who cares what other people think about you!”

    “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”

    “If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to defend yourself you should say: “He obviously does not know me very well, since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned””

    Nice post. It would also be interesting to observe ourselves as to when we ask those very specific questions or behave in a more inquisitive way…..I am reasonably sure we all do….in varying levels🙂

    -Discoverer

  2. Vani,
    This is a really nice blog you have here. You write well and there is a lot of humor in your posts. Keep writing!

    Vinod Ekbote

  3. Nice post!…..But I believe that your’e not the only one suffering with inner voices. I know the number of times I have given a big broad smile to some irritating people while in my mind I imagined running them over with a steam roller…..

  4. Hi Vani, just dropped in….

    Well, interesting post!!!

    In one hand, it looks as if they are being lovely to us and on the other, it pulls the patience out of us… I have been also a victim of it…

    I vl give u comapny🙂

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