Grammy awards and the grumpy me

Now that AR Rahman is busy bagging big awards, the whole town is busting with his talk.  Unsurprisingly, Pre-lunch, lunch and Post-lunch breaks were spent on brushing up his biography. On the course of reviewing his life, the unknown prideful side of me swelled up inside on this Man’s achievement. I was genuinely happy for this genius.

The problem in me, feeling proud of others is that, it usually make me stop for a minute or so ,and think about myself.  Just to cross check what I was busy doing the time, when this musical mastermind was working to inspire the whole country.

Gradually I stepped in to the shoes of introspection, descended on the memory lane and refreshed the thoughts of past month.  Except for watching a range of weird movies (Vettaikaran, Kutty, Aayirathil oruvan, Goa, Tamizh padam), downloading bunch of kutthu songs and reading romance books , I didn’t do anything remotely constructive. Most naturally, a pinch of shame crossed the thoughts. I took out the book, which I call my diary, then rolled up the sleeves resolved to write most probable set of new resolutions that would make me feel, at least, not bad next time when I think about these maestros.  .

Obviously, no resolution popped out. Mind was blank just like the paper at hand. Soon, I started to leaf through my journal. It was kind of weird to read one’s own biography. But I was skimming through the pages hoping to find something that interested me in last few months, which I can form as a new resolution. Then the date 23Feb2009 scribbled with my handwriting flashed before me.

It was the date Rahman got the oscar award. Looks like , how exactly I felt frustrated today, had I felt then. For a page or so, I seemed to have praised AR Rahman fervently not even minding the spellings and other grammatical mistakes.  Then, I had also written some thing, which was much similar to the resolutions that I was about to take today.  Words like dreams, success, life, goal, India were sprinkled all over the page not meaning anything specific, but just to show that I was desperately trying to be serious and writing something philosophical, if you know what I mean. It took moments to digest the rots that I had planted their with my own hands. Seriously, horrific.

I closed the diary swiftly, breathing heavily and felling all grumpy for attempting to commit the same rot today.

Note to self – Never write diary when my mind is not stable.


4 thoughts on “Grammy awards and the grumpy me

  1. For some reason, this post reminded me of this article (
    An excerpt from it,

    Katherine Milkman, a doctoral student at Harvard Business School, has studied the way customers wrestle with two kinds of products: “wants,” which are things they crave in the moment, and “shoulds,” which are the things they know are good for them. For instance, Milkman studied the Australian equivalent of Netflix and found that when customers rent a “should” film, such as Schindler’s List, along with a “want” film, such as Die Hard 3, they tend to watch (and return) the want film much faster. We aspire to be the kind of people who watch Schindler’s List, but two weeks later, it’s still sitting on top of the DVD player, unwatched, as we rotate through the entire John McClane cycle.

    How very true!

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